“I go in and get ready to change her, but it’s really dark in her room — especially since I was just staring at the brightly lit computer screen! So I squint and try to focus, open her diaper … and then I freeze and sniff. Wait, did I smell something? Sniff again … Crap — pun intended — I smell something! My mind says, “OH NO! She didn’t! Did she?”
Just as my eyes get used to the dark, I see her hands move toward the diaper area. Oh no! I fight like a WWE wrestler to grab them and hold her still, at the same time leaning out verrrry slowly and turning on the light. Think of the game Twister — that’s what I looked like.
Click goes the light and I see every mom’s worst nightmare: I’m holding her two hands, covered in poop. My hand is also covered in it. The diaper has been kicked out from under and there is what looks like a softball-size BALL OF POOP lying on Luna Marie’s tummy!
I think, “How did this happen?! I am supposed to have this down by now!” I say, “Crap! Where do I start?” I have no hands left — how can this get any worse?
Well, I guess Luna Marie thought the expression on my face was hilarious. She starts laughing, wiggling and rolls to the side. OMG! In slow motion the ball of poop rolls off her tummy, bounces onto the changing table, then bounces again, arching through the air to plop on the floor with a splat, barely missing my foot!
So there I stand. My next move? I’m not sure. Actually, I have no clue. But wait … Ah ha! I remember — KENT IS HOME!
I firmly hold Luna Marie’s hands and make sure not to move my foot. I gingerly lean over to the baby monitor camera, and yell in the sweetest, most loving voice possible, “HHHEEEELLLLPPPPP!!! I need help!”
To understand the monumental event that this was, just know that I pride myself on being able to handle it all. I am a first-born, type A, bossy control freak. Remember?! Of course I think I can handle it all. Most moms just do. We have to! Oftentimes we have no back up. The buck stops with us. But this time, I had to admit that I needed help. I am Constance Marie and yes — this diaper ambushed and defeated me.”